swimming pool eight women and happiness within the past 24 hrs. And? The puppy took me for a walk. Okay, it was too close. We ran to the hill. Cindy. Where we used to sled. Where I used to sit by myself sometimes and stare at the stars. Where now the puppy and I run berserk up and down, tongues out, and eventually inevitably land in a muddy puddle. The hill Adele saved from being flattened and redeveloped. Now there’s a rock memorial with a plaque and an unfamiliar man’s name on it.

It's silent.

Today I opened a box. Hand-size trophies for the Invention Convention and Spelling Bee from 87. Nyssma solo competition medals. Figure skating medals, pins, and patches. A tennis pin. Scholar stuff, diplomas. Campaign stickers I vaguely remember printing out – did I nominate myself? Tooth fairy pillow. No teeth. Garbage Pail Kids.

A  diary from 3rd grade. According to my notes, my cat was 1 year and I dutifully told the story of how my dad rescued her. I wanted to kill my sister. I loved whales. I loved olives and was terrified of mushrooms. I wanted a real cabbage patch kid and a unicorn and for things to be funner. I hated my name and its derivatives. I represented the "A" of my initials as a witch. I wore charms and liked to dress as a punk. My favorite color was lavender and my friend’s name was Amber. When she moved Jason was sad because he loved her. I didn’t like being shy. I sent valentines to girls not boys. The saddest book I had read was the diary of Anne Frank. I wanted to visit one of my friends in Israel.

There was a lot crossed out, a lot left blank. I think someone gave me the diary far after I had finished with the Ramona books, and I thought it was lame. I didn’t want anyone to know my secrets.

I saved so many letters. From K while she was at orchestra camp, and later or maybe earlier when she wanted to get some surgically altered big tits. from r when she was in her first year of college in Boston. My cousin, in one of her letters, wrote, "As I’m writing this I feel as though I’m one of those annoying ‘happy people.’ Trust me, I’m not." Locker combos, speeches on note cards, a story my now-dead grandfather wrote while he was taking care of me. Lollapolooza complete with permission note signed by my mother, nine inch nails, L7, beasties, twin peaks 92. Shelter. Straight edge vegan zine. A letter from an old friend, news of her brain tumor.

a book of math notes. to me, they’re German, and Gorgeous. Loads of # 2 pencils, but no scantrons. how could i get rid of them.